Retransformers

Some women are toys
jugetes
prone to ploys
happy lies and bizarre alibis
suckers for long goodbyes…
but some ladies are transformers
more than meets the eye

it was hard for me to wrap
my mind around the concept
that the way woman can bewitch men
with spells, garb, and various tonics…
and either build them up
or tear them down
make them into prime
or decepticons like megatron….

i suppose jessica’s
rejection was a bitter pill...
and azure’s even more bitter still...
of course the worst
was the one for which
i had rehearsed and rehearsed...
when my estranged daughter
also turned away
i never met her once to this very day…
made me wish i was in a hearse…

but in the same way that
whatever does not kill me
makes me stronger
i won’t dwell on those rejections
any longer
they led to positive reflections
and for the most part
i have no objections
i just wonder what might have been…
ever so often...
at night
again & again...

That Pleasant Voice

 

You give adrenaline to my pen

her i go

writing again

so it's official

break out the tissues

not a whisper

nore a peep

or a whistle

i wonder what you thought

of my roar

that night i smoked on so much raw

the thing i like about you most

is your pleasant voice...

led me to my notebook

like i had no choice...

what to do what to do...

i am sorry ok...

i just...

the whole ride home...

i am like...

i never know the right thing to do or say...

exactly how to convey...

or express how i felt today...

it was dark...

but i had to wear my shades...

you know everything else fades...

looks...

hair turns grey...

it is a simple thing i learned

about the one i desire to spend

my forever with

that i want their voice to be

pleasant

and yours is just like heaven

like an angel that sings to me

at the end of one's life

don't you want to like the sound

of the one who calls your name

for the millionth time

to get out of the rain...

someone you enjoy the company of

even when they are nagging...

Fall in New York

These new york falls…
i suppose i fell long ago…
into the leaves…
what could i expect?
so long treated as a suspect
so much questioning
all the support did not prove anything
you will have a reckoning
just like the leaves fall from the trees
just like i once fell from heaven
you will fall as well
the only question
is will it be back in my arms…?
or down into the earth…?
what a bitter lesson
what a painful pill
from the lack of sincerity
to realizing i was probably
being used as a g to kill for…
the ugly lying lady…
mi vida loca
the ginger who drove me crazy

these new york falls…
it’s leather jacket weather
but even though i never looked...
or felt better...
this dark current in me swirls...
this downward spiral...
oh how i longed to please Addie
turn her around make her see
your lies and fallacies
does she remember the time you burned her?
i know she doesn’t remember the time
you left us to freeze one winter…

these new york falls…

these new york falls…

more things fall than just the leaves
sometimes it is appearances
pretenses.
feelings...
aspirations…
DREAMS!
like being reunited with a queen
or a daughter you have never seen
sometimes you look at a son and say
that
does
not
look
like
me…

these new york falls…

these new york falls…

all i had was a facebook
with scant imagery
i remember that winter of 2019
i had simply wanted to see Bella once
before one of my enemies decided
to face me and take me
then i saw a photo of danny
he seemed to look like me
i was
h
   a
     p
        p
           y
but it seems irma was not the only
witch in between my children
and me…😞
Bella's picture was strange
almost as if it had been
CAREFULLY ARRANGED
to hide her true race…
to hide signs of my face…
Whereas Danny was left to appear
as my son
look sean he is happy
WE WON! yay!
but as with many products
of the land of make believe
that happiness would one day fade…
for similar to seeing the true
colors and sounds of Bella
revealed she was in truth my daughter
When it came to Dan i saw something
that shook me to my core…

some sort of mystery man…
i had never seen before….

i had always thought he was rob’s child…
so i reasoned it was for the best
and here i was…
22 years later…
my heart ripped out of my chest…
Who is this mystery man…?
and when i pondered
her plot to possibly
use me to kill her husband...
i had to ask myself
when it came to the evil ugly lying lady
was he still a part of her plans…!?

The Frigid Zone

 

what’s wrong with you?
you’re like a fridge on the fritz
one day you’re hot
then you are cold
what’s up with this?
i suppose i can be a bit of a wild child
always playing my games
when they ask me what i do
i say “that or this”…
sometimes i paint houses…
cabbage patch kid shit…
i have various aliases
acronyms
and i have a lotta “getups”
i wear many hats…
i belong to several outfits
toured dozens of tracks
found so few to count on
counted mounds of dollar stacks
covered countertops
and filled cupboards with indians
i sometimes leave a smell lingering
piggy banks shattered
souls splintering
my life is in tatters
my boat taking on water
im the captain and im sinking
won’t you throw me a life line..?
join me in this life of mine?
maybe i can help fix your thermostat
i swear i am handy
i am good like that
i saw at one point
you put me in the cooler
now i feel like
i'm in the deep freezer
i leak like a loser
im dying from crying
whining and pining...
won't you be mine?
i’m begging to choose her…
frigid air from your frigidaire
refrigerator
that ain’t working
they just some haters..
pretty please with sugar on top
i bet if we used some syrup
it would make it hot
i know in the old days
sometimes the soda machine
would use coolant to keep
cold things cool
how do i heat you back up?
because otherwise i feel like a fool…

Warm Heights

 

Gone was the warmth

you had shown to me

Not even a glance towards p...

No more kind greetings

i see

i suppose my action was misunderstood

i am clever

i can reason precisely

i have a scale to measure other things

but my life had led me to wanderings and wonderings

my problem has grown to heights 

which are wuthering

i couldn't let you get in trouble

cause of my blubbering...

my childish addiction

that has already destroyed so much!

my crutch..

please won't you forgive sean?

to me you mean so much...

Yes, you have inspired poetry...

more than once...

id like you to realize that hopefully...

That day...

i had hoped you were tending

i wanted to ask you out to dinner..

i suppose i came home with a bag

that was a winner...

but if it meant losing you...

that's quite a splinter...

it will sting 

for a long time

Won't you be a part of my life?

Inspire more lines?

Ok let me explain myself...

don't we all want the hookup(haha)?

come on now...

one of my names...

is master p...

but i get it i get it...

you don't even know me...

what if i got too gone off the weed...

the more i have

the more i smoke

and things are going so badly...

so much pain

too many sad memories...

if you got in trouble

the thought of it

would have been too much to bear

i also pondered how it was

a bad habit to form

for both of us...

this is not the norm...

it's a unique situation...

new environments

different destinations...

you have your whole life ahead of you...

i'm just a burnout...

heavy turnout

high turnover

i rather be next to you...

if i need to

at most ask you to scoot over...

take my advice

if anything

mami...move slower...

That Ugly Lying Lady

 

Who is that white lady?
she smells funny
she is supposed to smell like money
but i swear
i caught more than
a whiff of sad despair
desolation
what Bella told me
ruined my vacation
frankly i wish
we had never had relations
all your consternation
so
i was 1 for 3
stefanie
what exactly did you do to me?!
if i were in the major leagues
then possibly maybe
but that must be why
you denied paternity…
how many times exactly…
were you lying…
lady...

Sincerity

it is such a rarity
to find true sincerity
someone without false pretense
someone who appreciates
i am a man through all the seasons
that i posses a clarity and integrity
someone who passes my logic tests
allows investigations
and seeks out my soul
with good intentions
who has plausible
and pleasant reasons
someone who does not lie
or deceive
like adam was by eve
don’t mention lilith
sometimes they are liars
& sometimes they are deniers
the combination of these types
have turned me into a crier
in my mind there burns a fire
in person your eyes
would have given you away
but since i can only get
txt
or the token phone call…

what revealed stef’s plot…

was your lack of sincerity
sincerity
sincerity
a simple lack of sincerity

in order to spot it
i had to stop deceiving
and begin to live a life of honesty
and charity…
let’s talk about the hypocrisy
the biggest ones you will find them
in the church i say
oh jenny…
some pillar
of folks like her…
i have had my fill…
must be a bitter pill…
to realize your man is not my equal…
but what is the TRUE measure of a man?
they say cleanliness is next to godliness
and that what makes the man are his shoes
but as far as i am concerned
God gave us free will
and it is when a man faces adversity
that you see the true
strength of a man…
not when he is winning…
and everything is going according to plan…
What does he do...
when there is noone to turn to?
When both cheeks are bruised?
When people are doing things they are not supposed to do?
When people repeatedly lie to you?
You search frantically for sincerity

what revealed stef’s plot…

was your lack of sincerity
sincerity
sincerity
a simple lack of sincerity…