Uncle

Do you have job openings?
Or vacancies?
Are you looking for just one candidate?
Or do you hold a primary?
What would it take to come vet me?
Are you like a hotel?
Do you service multiple people…
who spend the night?
That’s how my ex was…
Once i knew i felt a fright…

My uncle..."killed himself...
over some bitch...
who didn't want him..."
that phrase played over
and over in my head

man it became such a problem

he wrote that b4
'they' cloned him
and 'they' switched him out
i still remember his mixtapes
before most people
knew he had came out

what a fire line
i play it all the time
it got all up in my head
made me wish
i was already dead
to me that is real rap
the kind you can't get
out of your skull cap...

i kept trying to shut the door
the door couldn't be closed enough...
i remember you had done that
i just used to laugh
& say "dear it's already shut...
i know how you get..."
cause it hadn't happened
to me yet...

i wonder now what did that to you...
made you afraid
& made you blue...
you called the tv the "idiot box"
i might as well have put it away
or kept it locked
it served no purpose
in your presence
it had raised me to adolescence

hard to reach maturity
with origins clouded in obscurity
how do you know where you are going...
if you don't know where you come from?
but that i accept
and it's not truly what i run from

ending up distrusting boys
as much as women
perhaps even moreso
a torso is a torso
and a bottom's a bottom
and i suppose so
at the core i became rather rotten

butterflies replaced by heartache
makes me wonder why i even partake
in all the pleasantries
and appearances
when all i seem to end up with
are grievances